MTA Subway Hustlers

Chick gets on the train, shuffling along wrapped in a blanket even though she is fully clothed (side eye – it’s HOT outside and even hotter in the subway, so what are you doing?).  Outwardly, I look like I’m looking through my BB, but out of the corner of my eye I watch her do a lap to the front of the train car, then she comes back around to the end of the car.  When she has everyone’s attention, she starts crying (Oscar winning performance yo!) and asking for money (didn’t see THAT coming…sarcasm).  This chick is ON SOMETHING…something SERIOUS…probably more than one something.  When she realizes no one is going to give her any money…this heffa starts cursing us out and mean mugging! LOL.  Told us we can all go phuck ourselves. Yeah OK. You have a nice day too.

Next up are the dancers.  I’m zoning out to my ipod, when I hear Missy’s, “Loose Control” all EXTRA loud. These boys were bumping into passengers as they danced and flipped around that damn car…side eye.  Rush hour is not the damn time to be flipping all over the train.  Dude stepped on my baby toe…that shyt hurt.  When they were done, they asked for money too.  They made a few bucks, so I’m sure I’ll see them regularly from now on.

After the kids, we have what I’d like to call the Sally Struthers Hustle.  Some of yall may be too young (yall didn’t even know who Chuckii Booker was…damn youngins!), but Sally used to have those commercials about helping the kids in Africa.  “For the price….of a cup of caw fee” you could pay for little Akeem to eat three squares of this watery oatmeal-like substance and attend school.  You send your money and they send you a picture of the kid thriving in the African community.  Anybody remember? I’m sure it’s on youtube somewhere. Anyway that’s what this woman reminds me of.  She’s from some organization (I’ve never heard of it), BUT “your donated money allows people like (her) to walk around and feed sandwiches to the homeless” (she was fresh out of sandwiches though).  She looked like she was on something too…verrrrrrry loosy goosy in her speech.  If I was a betting person, I’d bet that drinking was her drug of choice. 

Lastly, we had the blind dude.  WHAT THE HELL are you doing on the train by yourself (begging for money) if you can’t see???  People who CAN see…frequently get lost in our confusing subway system, so what are you doing?? WHY are you on the train DURING RUSH HOUR going from train car to train car hitting everyone while you move your red and white stick back and forth???  Just WTH?! I don’t care what anyone says…that dude can see!! Nobody gave him a damn dime either, so clearly I wasn’t alone in my thinking.

This warm weather is starting off with a bang.